~ "At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want." - Lao Tzu ~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSBzMU1QyO8&list=RDxSBzMU1QyO8&start_radio=1

MAY 20TH FRIDAY 2022...

(Maya's P.O.V.)

The sound of my alarm clock cut through the dawn quiet. I couldn't help the small smile that crept across my face—summer was here, and I was finally twenty-one. I ran my fingers through my fiery red hair, swung my legs over the side of the bed, and started getting ready. The window was already hot with early Kansas sun; another thick, humid day was shaping up in Wichita. 

I kept my makeup simple and natural—just enough to smooth out the shadows from a late night. It was too warm for anything heavy, so I pulled on shorts and a lacy blue top under a denim vest, slipped into white strap sandals, and tied my hair into a high ponytail. The kitchen smelled like cinnamon and toast and the faint tang of coffee, and the house felt sleepy and familiar in the morning light.

"Morning, Mom." I greeted her with a grin.

"Hey, darling," she replied, busy at the stove. "Have a seat, the food should be ready in a minute."

I slid into the chair and let my eyes drift to her cluttered work desk across from the table. She was in the middle of another one of her projects—sketchbooks and appointment cards scattered, little lists and sticky notes tacked like a second brain. She was always brainstorming ways to expand her massage therapy business; I loved the tiny, determined lines around her eyes when she concentrated. I was happy she was happy after all the turmoil my Dad had put us through. 

"Thank you," I said as she set the cinnamon toast in front of me. The toast was warm, buttered, and dusted with sugar; it smelled like a childhood summer morning.

"So," she asked as she joined me, stepping back from the stove with a spatula in hand, "What are you and Jacob doing today?"

"Just working on a little project," I replied casually, shrugging, letting my smile keep things light.

"What's it about?" She probed, her brown eyes warm and curious, framed by her long blonde-highlighted hair that caught the sun through the window.

"Oh, nothing really, just some family things," I replied smoothly. What she didn't know was that this "project" was a plan—something Jacob and I had been quietly putting together for weeks, a careful thing that felt important enough to make my stomach tighten. 

"Alright, well, I've got to go and get my nails done, and run some errands. So I shouldn't be back for a while." She informed me, smiling as she rose from the table and wiped her hands on a towel.

"Okay, I will. His Mom will be home, but we'll work on it over there."

(Jacob's P.O.V.)

I met Maya in the soft glare of the morning and drove her back to my place. Her excitement was a small electric thing; it made the hum of my car feel like it had a pulse. "Thanks for all your help on this whole researching my birth mother and figuring out everything." She smiled over at me, lighting up like the bright sunshine on her face.

"You're welcome, Maya," I said with a small smile, watching the way she tucked a loose curl behind her ear like she was trying to steady herself.

In my room, I helped her put everything together. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" I asked as I printed a fresh page—another small piece of whatever we were stitching together—then tucked the sheet into a folder.

She nodded, jaw set, her eyes bright. "Yes. I know I am. I just hope my Mom believes the same. I don't know what I'd do if she said no. My Mom told me she'd help me when I turned eighteen, and now I'm twenty-one. She's already given me some information, but I know I'm ready to find out more and discover who I am."

"Well," I said, pulling the printed document free and smoothing it into place, "I'm here one hundred percent of the way, and you can't forget, she hasn't said no, yet." I said it with a wink and tried to shove the worry down. I meant it—she wasn't alone in this.

Just then, my mom stuck her head in the bedroom doorway, carrying a tray of cookies and two glasses of milk like she always did when the house needed a break. "Snack break!" She announced, setting the tray on the desk with a practiced clink.

"Thank you, Mrs. Barnes," Maya said, warm and grateful despite the inner fears spinning in her head.

"It's no problem, dear." She waved her off and left us to our paperwork and the rattle of the printer.

"So you're coming over to help me tell her tonight, right?" Maya asked, lips pursed in that way she got when she was both nervous and determined.

"Yes. Don't worry. You know I'm always here for my best friend, and it's not like I'd ever let you go alone." I pulled her into a hug that was meant to be steadying; the folder crinkled against my chest, a small sound of plans meeting the real world.

"I know they'll understand. But it's still a big step." She sighed and shook her head, excitement braided with fear. "I'm afraid they won't think I'm ready."

"I know it's scary, and it's a big change. But we've got it under control, don't worry- I won't let this fall through, as long as it's meant to be." The words surprised me when they came—part promise, part dare. I held her longer, felt the quick rhythm of her breathing settle, and knew how much this mattered to her.

HOURS LATER...

(Maya's P.O.V.)

"Maya! Jacob! Dinner!" My Mom yelled as I sucked in a sharp breath.

My hands were damp under my palms. My heart was doing that stupid, loud thing it always did when everything felt like it was hanging on one fragile moment. I forced my shoulders down and smoothed my shirt like I could smooth the whole night into something ordinary.

"Ready to do this?" He raised his eyebrows at me with his hazel eyes, running a hand through his light blonde side part.

I nodded, smiling, though my stomach kept twisting like I'd swallowed a fist. "Yeah. Let's go." He let go of my hand and grabbed the folder of information that had to do with our little plan tonight.

"Good evening, Mrs. Jones." Jacob greeted as he took his seat at the table, placing the folder next to him. I took my seat as well between the two of them. We visited through supper over normal things, and then we hung out in the living room.

"I think it's time for brownies." Mom spoke up as she started to stand.

"Oh, Mom- we've got it." I smiled, waving her off and, standing as Jacob followed in suit.

"Ready to do this?" I whispered as we got the cookie plate. He gave me a wink, a quick embrace, and a soft peck to my head before we came back in with the brownies and some small plates, along with the folder.

"Mom. We have something we'd like to discuss with you..." I began eyeing Jacob nervously. He reached out, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze.

Her eyes flickered up to mine, curious but calm, "I'm listening..."

Jacob stepped in, his voice steady, "Maya and I have been working on a project, as you know, and it's time we told you what it's been about. This is really important to Maya, and I think we could make it work with your approval."

I hesitated, feeling the room narrow to the space between my breaths, but Jacob's second reassuring squeeze on my hand gave me the courage to continue, "Although I'm an adult and I don't need your permission, I'm asking for your support. Mom, I'm ready to meet my birth mom. And... I want to pursue my fashion stylist degree."

Her eyebrows furrowed as she studied me, then Jacob, before leaning back, "It's your future and I won't hold you back. But Maya, are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes, Mom. I'm ready. We've done all the research about her and the schooling." I nodded eagerly, though my throat felt tight with the mix of hope and fear.

"Here's all of our research..." He smiled, handing the folder over to my Mom as my heart pounded loudly in my ears.

She took a moment, reading over everything, and I felt like I could hear my pulse in my ears. Each paper she skimmed felt like a small verdict. Then she looked up at me with a comforting grin. "Well, if you feel ready, then I fully support you."

"Thank you. Thank you! THANK YOU!" I exclaimed excitedly, plopping down and embracing her in a hug.

"There is just one more thing, though..." Jacob spoke up, hesitating.

"What is it?" She frowned, and I sighed heavily, knowing this could be where she says no.

"She's not here; she lives in Oklahoma." I took a deep breath, pursing my lips in anticipation.

"So what's your plan?" She glared at the two of us, my fears jumping into overdrive. 

"Um, well..." I hesitated again, looking over at Jacob for help.

"As you know, my Aunt and Uncle live down there, and they've offered to let us stay with them, while Maya gets her certificate, and until she can find her birth Mom. She will also be finding a job to support her schooling. The point is, she won't be alone, I'll be joining, and she already knows them." Jacob butted in, and Mom glanced between the two of us.

"Mom, I know this is crazy- but it might just work." I pleaded with hopeful eyes. "I know I'm ready, and I know I need to do this. I've waited years, I want this." I rambled before she could try to make excuses as to all the reasons why I shouldn't go.

"Alright, I believe you're ready, if you are. Go to Oklahoma and meet your birth Mom." She nodded with a soft smile.

"What? You're going to let me go! Thank you!" I gushed, hugging her again.

"You're welcome, but we still need to discuss some things." She warned, "This is a big responsibility, Maya. I want you to go with a clear head about things."

"I understand." I smiled, nodding and knowing she was right.

"Now you and Jacob go upstairs while I think about this some more." Mom gave me a nod, and Jacob and I left in seconds. I entered my bedroom and plopped down on my made bed, Jacob sitting next to me.

"Thank you, Jacob." I sighed in relief, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"You're welcome, Maya."

"I couldn't have done this without you," I smiled as I lifted my head and looked at him.

"Now that she has said yes, officially. I have something for you..." He trailed off and got up, grinning excitedly, and grabbed a small package from his bag. "Open it." He nodded encouragingly.

I grinned before I ripped open the paper and gasped at its details, "Oh it's absolutely beautiful!" I exclaimed as I admired the journal. It was leather and a light brown color, with a heart key on it, and it closed with a latch- it had a vintage look and feel. 

"It's a journal for you to write your story in," Jacob informed me. "You don't want to forget the journey you're about to go on. Trust me."

"You didn't have to do this." I shook my head, holding back the tears.

"I wanted to." He shrugged like it was nothing, and I wrapped him in a warm hug. Knowing Jacob, he had scoured high and low for the perfect journal just for me, because that's simply the kind of friend he was.

"Thank you so much, Jacob." I smiled, pulling back.

"You're welcome, Maya." He returned the smile as his eyes sparkled with excitement at the new possibilities life held for us.

SUNDAY MAY 29TH...

I stood in my empty room and sighed. The sunlight pooled on the floor like a promise; dust motes drifted through it, slow and patient. I pressed my palm to the cool glass and looked out the window. A corner of the street below was dotted with late-blooming daisies, and for a moment the world felt ordinary and safe. I smiled without forcing it. There was an amazing journey waiting for me, I told myself, and I was ready—ready enough, at least.

"I still can't believe you're leaving." I turned to see my Mom standing in the doorway.

"Me either." I shook my head as I could feel the tears threatening to fall. My throat tightened around something heavy—grief, excitement, the small shock of stepping away from everything that had been just becoming familiar after a heavy and messy divorce. I swallowed it down, breathing in the faint scent of her.

"Have a seat..." She nodded towards the mattress on the bed. I took a seat, and she sat next to me, taking hold of my hand.

"Maya, whatever happens, know that this may not be what you want or what you think this experience is going to be like. You don't know what to expect from this, but know that no matter what, I'm here for you. You can always come back home. Your Dad and I love you and you're ours... ALWAYS. Don't EVER forget that, Maya." She told me. We didn't talk about Dad much; he'd been emotionally abusive growing up. My mother's voice trembled on the last words, like the sound of a lamp about to go out. I felt that tremor travel through her grip into my bones. There was so much she wasn't saying—old hurts, apologies never formed—but the shape of her love was there in the simple press of her hand against mine.

"Mom, this is my home. You are my Mom, this lady I'm going to go find and meet, all she did was carry me in her stomach- she didn't raise me, she wasn't there for me, you were, and still are. I'm going to meet her so I can know more about myself and my biological family. But this is my real and true family here, this is my life. Nothing can replace that. I understand this might not be what I'm expecting, but either way, I know I'm ready. Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to go and find her. I love you." I explained, holding back the tears, and hugged her close. Saying it out loud made the edges of my resolve sharper. The words felt like a bridge—thin, not yet steady—but real.

"You're welcome, I love you too." She replied as we each held on tight. Her shoulder shook once; so did mine.

"Ready, Maya?" Jacob suddenly appeared, ending the bittersweet goodbye between us.

"Yep. Let's go." I grinned, and we headed out of the house as my mom followed us to our cars.

"Goodbye Mrs. Jones." Jacob smiled, hugging her and then getting in his own car, which I would follow in mine, but I would also be using a GPS. He hugged her like he always had—quick, affectionate, the kind of small ritual that made me feel like the world still had order. 

"Goodbye, Mom, I love you." I sighed and gave her another tight hug, knowing this would be the last time for a long time.

"I love you too." My Mom gushed as I got into the car. My fingers tightened on the steering wheel more than they needed to, not from nerves but from the strange, buoyant clarity that comes before a plunge.

HOURS LATER...

We pulled up to the big white house where I would be living for a while. I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. The air smelled faintly of cut grass and lemon cleaner; a conditional, suburban warmth greeted me, like the house was promising to keep its doors open.

"Maya! So good to see you!" Jacob's Aunt, Mrs. Miller, greeted me warmly and wrapped me in a hug. 

"So good to see you too! Thank you so much for allowing me to stay here, Mrs. Miller and Mr. Miller." I smiled, hugging them both.

"You know to call us Rachel and Theodore- or Theo for short." Theo winked at me. His brown eyes sparkled, and his light brown hair, faded neatly on the sides with subtle blonde highlights, gave him a laid-back vibe.

"Well, thank you." I smiled as they began unloading my things.

(His P.O.V.)

Sitting up on my bed, bored and smoking a blunt while tipsy, I heard car doors slamming in the distance. I walked over to my window, peering at the neighbor's house next door, and my eyes caught the most beautiful sight. Her bright red hair caught the sun's light in the most fiery way, and her deep blue eyes sparkled against her soft, pale skin. She giggled with the most beautiful grin as her cheeks flushed red.

The room around me thinned until it was only glass and heat and that sound of her laugh. The smoke curled up in lazy rings, and I watched it dissolve like a bad memory—every inhale a small permission to stay and watch her longer. My fingers trembled on the blunt, not from the weed but from something older, sharper. My pulse beat in my throat. Time collapsed; the world was reduced to the slow, dangerous orbit of her.

I couldn't tell if it was the alcohol lighting my edges or something else, something stronger, more feral. I felt like a man who'd been handed a lighthouse after years in caves—suddenly everything pointed toward a single beam. A stupid, animal part of me wanted to knock on that door, ask to be let into the light; another part wanted to stand farther back and drink her in like contraband. I imagined her seeing me: a shadow behind smeared glass, a beast, hoodie pulling everything in, eyes too bright from lack of sleep—like a fever in human form. To her, I would be dangerous and unreadable, maybe frightening; to me, she was a map I had never learned to read but now didn't want to live without.

"And just who are you?" I asked between puffs of smoke and eyeing her gorgeous body seductively. She was captivating every bit of my sense of being, and I didn't know the first thing about her. 

The question was small and ridiculous, a child's thing—yet my voice came out husky, loaded. I didn't need an answer. I needed the permission of her presence, the assurance that she was there in the world where I roamed. My chest ached with it. I had never seen anyone more beautiful, or maybe the world had been sharpened by the blunt and the booze and my own damn loneliness. Either way, I couldn't look away.

There was a taste of metal on my tongue. The world grew tactile—every color sharper, every breath a small stab of wanting. I watched how the sunlight played along her jaw and the way her throat moved when she swallowed, and I wanted to memorize the sound of that swallow as if it were a password. I wanted to be closer just to see if the freckle by her ear was real, to know the precise angle of her shoulders when she smiled. It felt obscene, this desire—clean and filthy at once—like reaching for something sacred and filthy with the same hand.

(Maya's P.O.V.)

"Come on, sweetie, let's show you your room," Rachel said as we pulled some of the smaller bags from the car, beaming as she led me inside. The house was familiar; I had visited before with Jacob and his family, but this time felt different- more permanent, like home.

"Here we are..." Theo announced as we stepped into a corner pale blue room. It was cozy yet spacious, with a queen-sized bed against the wall. Across from the bed was a long dresser topped with a TV, angled perfectly to be viewed from either the bed or the vanity desk nestled just outside the small walk-in closet to the left.

Two windows framed the right side of the bed, the closer one offering a view of a tree outside. Past the windows was a small bathroom on the same wall as the dresser. Matching nightstands flanked the bed, each with its own lamp, and floating shelves above them, waiting for me to fill with personal items.

"This is all so beautiful, I can't thank you enough," I said, sitting on the bed and running my hand over the soft, decorative pillows in light blue and white. 

The room smelled faintly of lavender and new fabric. Light folded across the bedspread in soft bands, and for the first time since I left my house, there was a counterpoint to the ache in my chest: a small, hopeful flutter, like a saved place waiting for my things and my life to arrive.

"No need to thank us, Maya-you're family to us. Now, why don't you come on downstairs while the boys move the boxes upstairs, and then they can do Jacob's after that." Rachel instructed, leading me out of the room.

"Would you like a chocolate milkshake? I just made them." She smiled, offering up a pitcher in one hand and whipped cream in the other.

"Yes, thank you." I smiled at her, graciously accepting a glass, "So where's Kayla, Gracie, and Danny?" I asked, curious about their kids. Danny is twenty-three, while Kayla is twenty-one, like Jacob and me, and Gracie is nineteen.

"Kayla is out with friends tonight- she'll be home late, but you can see her tomorrow. Danny is out of town for a few weeks at music camp, so you won't be seeing much of him for a bit, and Gracie is sleeping over at a friend's house. Kayla is so excited you're going to be here." She gushed excitedly.

"I can't wait to see her again, either. It's been too long."

Jacob joined us moments later, casually stealing a drink from my glass, "Alright, I just talked with your Mom, and I told mine that we got here safe and sound. That and all your stuff is up in your room." He'd had that easy grin since we were kids; it steadied me. His presence was a familiar coast to return to—no judgments, just the steady land I could trust to lean against.

"Well, thank you for taking my stuff up, but I'm tired, I think I'm going to check in for the night," I said with a yawn.

"Ok, goodnight dear- see you in the morning." She smiled. I went upstairs and found some PJs to change into, then I crawled into bed.

Lying there, the house around me quiet and unfamiliar in the best possible way, my heart kept running the memory of my mother's hand squeezing mine. Under the covers, I let myself feel small for a minute—frightened, hopeful, stubbornly alive. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine the woman I was going to meet, and the strange, half-formed version of myself that might walk back through a different door someday. 

'Will she be everything I hoped for? Will I actually find myself by just coming here? Or am I crazy for even coming in the first place? Only time will tell...'