There are flatbreads and jams and pastries, all delivered as a welcoming gift from the elders. Siff revels in the imperfection of them: each one different and handmade, unlike so much of the food on Janus. Nothing synthesized here: just pure flavors and textures that make her mouth hum with appreciation.

“What’s it like up there? I bet you have some amazing stories.” Lucas is wide-eyed already with the joy of having a god come to them. It causes Siff to pause and think for what to say. She really doesn’t want any kind of an influence on these people: they need to believe.

“It’s really not my place to say. I’m not a messenger. I chose to leave it all behind so I could learn to be like you. That’s all I want: just to be a part of your world and leave my old one behind.”

“Was it really that terrible?”

“It wasn’t terrible, no. It just…wasn’t for me. Your world is different, and much better for me. And I would love to be a part of it.”

“Well, I think that would be great. I’d love to have you here. What do you think Esken?”

“Definitely. You seem to desire peace. I can see your mind struggles within, and unlike physical wounds the mind can take a while to heal. But I think living with us will help you on your journey.

“Lucas, why don’t you take her outside while it’s still light out. I’ll clean up here.”

“That’s a great idea. Would you like to see some scenery?”

She smiles, “I really would.”

“Okay, wait here, I’ll be right back.”

Lucas opens the door and jogs around back. Siff stands and walks over to the open door, taking deep breathes of the late-afternoon air. Scents of wildflowers and grass fill her with peace and joy as she stares in wonder at the vibrancy and beauty of this world, trying to take it all in. Can this really be happening? What a dream.

It only feels like a few seconds, but it must have been a few minutes at least. Lucas has brought a horse and cart around to the road out front. He has collected some blankets as well, “This is Callio,” he pats the horse’s back, “I figured you might not be up for walking the whole way yet.” She walks to the cart and he steps down to help her up, then sits beside her and wraps a blanket over her shoulders before taking the reins, “G’yup.” And they are traveling up the hill.

There are fields and low rock walls, bright blue skies and wonderful company. Crap no. Don’t go falling for him like every other girl in school. But he’s super nice. And handsome. And charming. NO. Shit, maybe.

They reach the crest of the first hill and Siff sees more farmland and wild fields, distant mountains and the curve of the Tube. Fog and artificial sky keeps the curve from being fully visible. They take a road that arches into a wooded area. It is beautiful to hear the birds singing and watch them dancing among the trees. The occasional squirrel and hare watch the cart with curiosity before scrambling back into the brush, “This is one of my favourite places. So much life and beauty in here.” Lucas brings the Callio to a halt and ties him to a tree. He pets him a few times and he nuzzles his face. Then he helps Siff from the cart, “This trail here leads to…well, you’ll see.” He smiles.

They walk slowly on the dirt trail, Siff notices his care in making sure she is sure-footed over every rock and root. She is still not up to full strength, and occasionally winces in pain as she moves. But the company is more than worth it, and when she rounds a final corner to see the view she can’t help but gasp, “Oh my god, it’s beautiful.”

A lake spreads open before them, reflecting rainbow colors from the clear sky close to sunset. Woods surround with vibrant greens and wildflowers of purple, blue, oranges, and reds. Soft grass leads to fine sand and a small fire-pit with dead tree trunks serving as benches and chairs. The occasional splash can be seen on the surface as fish play beneath. Lucas leads her to the chairs and Siff sits as he collects some dead branches from a nearby pile and starts the fire. When he finally sits, he chooses to sit next to her. Siff’s heart rate jumps a little. Oh god no. I’m not ready for this. Am I? I just got here. What do I do?

She watches Lucas reach into his pouch and pull out a pastry. He breaks it in half and shares it with her. Siff sits awkwardly staring at the lake, not sure what to do next.

“What’s your family like?”

She looks over to see inquiring eyes and curious smile on crumbed lips. Dammit girl, keep it together, “They aren’t like me. I have parents but my mother doesn’t like me and my dad is just…I dunno…not like me.”

“I guess everyone’s different in their own way, but I’m sure they care about you.”

“My mother? Nope. My father?…He cares. But only so much as to try and make me be like everyone else. And I can’t do that, you know? When someone wants you to be a certain way but if you do it’ll just crush your soul?”

Lucas gives a small laugh in approval, “I’m fortunate that here we try to help each other become who we are. Whatever that may look like. Sure there are duties we have to perform to keep the community alive and healthy, but we always seek to find our soul-call.”

“Soul-call?”

“A purpose to your life. What fulfills your soul. Have you ever sought that out?”

“I’ve never been allowed to. Every time I try to express my heart I get in trouble. I had to conform to be something I’m not. That’s why I left. They kept trying to make me into something I could never be.”

“And do you know what you are?”

“…I don’t think so.”

“If you keep focusing on what you’re not, you won’t find out what you are: there are too many options. Look at the lake, the trees: do you think they think about what they aren’t? Or even what they are? They have just learned to be. They have allowed their nature to govern their lives.”

“Yeah, but they aren’t exactly capable of thought, are they? I’ve got a brain and it needs to analyze every little thing.”

“That’s true, your mind can definitely get in the way. Especially if you’ve been trained to deny your feelings or hide them. It’ll take practice to discover yourself. You’ll have lots of time while you’re here.”

“If I’m allowed to stay.”

“I’m sure the elders will have you. They are very kind and accepting people.”

“I hope you’re right.” She pauses briefly, “What about you? What’s your soul’s call?”

“This. Right here. Being outside in the wild. Tracking, exploring, hunting. I love the adventure and the mystery. I’ve been working on exploring the End Forest, where I found you. The creatures in there are terrifying and fascinating. I want to discover them all.”

“How many have you discovered so far?” Siff remembers her tour of the Needle where she saw multitudes of horrific animals being created.

“Not many. Four, maybe five. They are fiercely territorial, and it’s really difficult to get past even the torrens who live at the edge of the forest. Masking my scent, and traveling in the day, I’ve gotten past them a couple of times. But when I flee and they chase me they always stop before the forest’s edge. They won’t leave it. If I can get by them and to the other side of their territory, I don’t think they will hunt me past it.”

“But the others will. And I have seen some that put the torren to shame. The deeper you go, the worse they get. It was made that way so you would never find the way to the gods.”

“Aha! So there is a way!”

“I guess there must be, but I don’t know where it is.” Siff notices Lucas’ excitement at the possibility of discovering a pathway to the gods. She doesn’t want to encourage him, but trying to warn him only seems to make him more eager. Maybe she can change the subject, “I don’t really want to talk about it. Too many bad memories. What’s your village like?”

“A lot different from yours, it seems. It sounds like the gods don’t have much peace within themselves. I am sorry for your trauma. I hope that here you will find peace.

“My village is wonderful. There are thirty-two of us—mainly farmers—and we work and live together, encouraging and supporting one another. Both my parents still live, and I have three brothers and one sister. I’m the third-born after my sister. My family has sheep, and they wander the hills much of the year. I have the freedom to track and hunt most of the time, as my siblings all enjoy sheepherding. I do as well: it is very peaceful. But I enjoy this life more. I hope that through my adventures we can understand this world better and change to live in it in a more fulfilling way.”

“But aren’t you already doing that? What could be better than how you live now?”

“There’s always room for improvement. Within ourselves and in the world we live. Without change we will stagnate and be rejected by the universe.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look at the stars above. See the one in the far distance? In the centre there? That’s Olympus Nova. The Constant Star. Future home of the gods. And circling her is Vesta, our home to come, where the gods are taking us. We travel through the sky to this promise, and we know this to be true because the heavens not only revolve around her, but also are birthed from her. Multitudes of stars have formed from her and passed us by; the sky ever-changes around us. The universe in which we live is always changing, if we are to live in it we must be like it. There is no final destination of humanity’s moral or psychological development. We must always change and grow, learn and adapt to remain in harmony with the changes around us birthed by Olympus Nova. If we cease growing we will cease being in harmony with our purpose, and we will either be destroyed by change we cannot stop, or destroy the universe as it attempts to change around us.”

Siff is in awe. She could explain the physics of what is happening: that the Tube is rotating and that Janus is indeed traveling straight to their new home. She could explain that the stars are not birthed from Olympus Nova, but rather that the traveling brings to light stars that were always there and must be passed by. But though Lucas may not understand these things as Siff does, he seems to understand the universe better than she ever has. The ‘gods’ have refused to change. They found their interpretation of humanity millennia ago and have not turned from it. They have destroyed every part of the universe they have lived in. And now, even on this mission to save themselves, their refusal to change has brought destruction upon them. War in Elysium above. And her to the earth below. Is it right for her to be here?

The fire is getting low and Lucas leans over to grab another log, he puts it in the flames and stays standing, “Feel like walking a little bit?”

“Sure.”

They meander slowly by the water’s edge, the soft lapping of occasional small waves and fish dancing in the dark, playing against chirping insects in the trees around. It is so peaceful. I want to live here, in this moment, forever.

Neither of them say a word as they both take in the atmosphere before returning to the fire. They sit next to each other again and Siff puts her head on Lucas’ shoulder. Her eyes are heavy and her heart at peace. She drifts off to sleep quickly, the blankets and crackling fire soothing her mind.

There are brief moments of wakefulness where she feels herself being carried through the trees, then laid carefully in the back of the cart surrounded by blankets, traveling down the road once more, and finally being lain in her own bed. Siff curls up and hugs the blankets close, whispering, “Thank you Lucas, so much.”

“You are most welcome, Siff.”