Liz had the cupcakes the girls made over the weekend sent to the school for free period. When they arrived, they set up a table at the front of the cafeteria, adorably decorated peonies and strings of pearls. Kaylynn and Lisa sat in the middle, together with the Halloween cupcakes while Holly and Liz sat on the ends with their homecoming queen campaign cupcakes. They each had pink signs written in white cursive saying ‘vote for me’ with a little rhinestone heart beside it.

“You’re not supposed to campaign with each other, you know.” Bebe said, approaching their table and picking up a pink cupcake with a spider on the top, “You’re running against each other.” 

Liz rolled her eyes, “It’s all in good fun, Bebe. Some of us don’t take it that seriously.”

“Could have fooled me,” Bebe continued, “Good luck, Holly. You’ll need it.” She smiled condescendingly as she joined Parker, VJ and Jeff. They were all talking to Candy by the fruit stand,

Kaylynn reached for Holly’s hand, “Ignore her.” She smiled gently, “If she’s undermining you, she’s obviously threatened by you.”

Liz glanced behind them at the guys as they talked to Candy and Bebe. She turned back to their table. Why were they back talking to those girls again? Her eyes narrowed, “Isn’t it stupid how we’re campaigning and they’re just…having a regular day.”

Lynn laughed, “Almost like real life. The women put on a show and the men simply get entertained.”

"Lynn, your baking is immaculate.” Giselle licked a smudge of orange frosting from her finger as she helped stack the empty cupcake trays, “Liz, you always have the best ideas."

The giveaway went well, with no more cupcakes left by the end of the lunch period. Bebe had put up some posters around the school, but they felt like they’d made a better impact, giving the students something tangible–and edible–to represent themselves.

Liz glanced at Lisa. She folded up their pink tablecloth. "Actually this one was Lisa's idea."

Lisa’s smile flickered, happy she was getting the credit for the idea, but kind of dying inside knowing everyone else in school probably thought it was Elizabeth's idea too. It was her campaign after all,

"That explains why it's so lame." Darlene’s voice was small as she played with her earring.

Liz crossed her arms, “Can you stop with your 'you girls are too prissy for me' shit? It was cute when you were 10. Now it's just annoying.”

Darlene rolled her eyes. Her boots scuffed the tile, “I mean, I don’t have to help you clean up,” She swung her backpack onto her shoulder,

Liz nodded, “Very true. You can go now.”

“Liz…” Lisa’s voice was tight as she tucked the tablecloth into a bag,

"Good riddance." Liz scrunched her nose as she watched Darlene walk off, "If she’s going to talk bad about her own sister, she can go bitch by herself."

Or with Jefferey, Holly thought, glancing at the cafeteria doors.

Giselle hesitated before sighing, "Maybe I should check on her though. Just to make sure she’s okay.” 

Liz shrugged, taking down the ‘Vote for me’ signs. 

Just like Liz and Lisa, Giselle and Darlene had always been best friends, though Darlene definitely leaned towards much less girly hobbies and styles. She’d sometimes entertain their conversations about getting their nails done or boys or whatever drama was going down at school, but she never shied away from talking shit about it either. Her dark makeup, beaded cross necklaces, and oversized band t-shirts stood defiantly against the other girl’s ruffles and lace. Most of the time she was okay to hang out with. Other times it felt like she had a vendetta against them just for being comfortable leaning into their femininity.

“She’s going to give me an earful when I get home, thanks to you.” Lisa said, only half joking,

Holl tried to laugh along the other girls. But her stomach twisted. She actually agreed with Elizabeth. She wanted to be a little lenient, since she was just a freshman. But if her suspicions at Parker’s party were right, Dar really didn’t have any sympathy for her own sister. 

Elizabeth arrived at the ballet studio early to run through Sugar Plum pas de deux before class. At St. Vincent they performed a version where instead of seeing her older sister in the sugar plum fairy, Clara transformers into her at the end of act II. They hadn’t even finished going over all of the choreography and she felt like she had a lifetime’s worth to go over in just three months.

She knew her lines had to be perfect. And they almost were…But she had to look dainty, graceful, and other worldly if she wanted to portray the role the way she imagined it. Plus losing a bit of weight would make being en pointe appear more effortless. Honestly, Lisa’s frame was much more in line for the role…

Her mother was totally right about her arms. But she had been eating a bit less. Also having no sugar. She had a Greek salad at lunch time, without the dressing, which was good. But it was pretty big, and she had been drinking a lot lately…

"Your legs look amazing." Candy rested her hand on the balance bars nailed to the wall. Bebe followed behind her, standing in fourth position.

Elizabeth looked at them blankly before shaking her head, "Uhm, thanks Candy." She lifted her leg, resting it on the bar to stretch.

"Yeah." Bebe said flatly, "Too bad your belly doesn't."

Elizabeth tilted her head,

"You’re looking a bit bloated, Ecochard." Bebe continued, bending into a plié,

Candy stretched behind her, grinning, "You're terrible." She said through muffled laughter,

Elizabeth froze for a second. Were Candy and Bebe just messing with her or did she really look bloated? She tried her best to act like she was unbothered and walked to the studio powder room. She stared at herself in the full body mirror. She knew her arms needed work but was her belly big too? 

She turned and stared at herself from the side. Her tummy did look kind of big. It was probably from that huge salad… She stared at the door to the studio. She couldn't go back out there knowing how terrible she looked. She couldn't believe she'd come to class without realizing…She turned to the stalls, a sense of dread falling all over her. She knew what she had to do…

This wasn’t her first experience in the trenches of a purging episode. After she got her period in the seventh grade, she went on a week-long chocolate binge and gained 5 pounds. When she discovered how easy it was to just ‘get rid of it,’ it was viscerally addictive.                                                                    She hadn’t done it all summer– and at least not since she became student council president. She was trying to quit… The summer made her feel like she could–free–with Parker telling her how ‘great’ she looked 24/7… She might have let herself go.

When she was done, she washed her hands and went quietly back into the studio. She hadn’t realized how much time passed. Class had already begun and Lisa was running the Clara role with the cavalier.

"Elizabeth, you're late." Miss Morgana began, her arms were crossed as she observed Lisa’s movements. "If you’re unable to be on time, Lisa will run the role for the class period. That rule applies for the showcase as well. Rules are rules." 

Liz nodded meekly, "Sorry, miss." She quickly joined the other ballerinas in a line against the mirror.

As Kaylynn and Holly waited for Liz and Lisa to finish their ballet rehearsal they ran out into the woods behind the school hand in hand. Before they had been sitting in the bleachers watching football practice. Holly and Parker had a date later tonight, but she could tell Lynn was checking out. As much as it pained her to leave a shirtless Parker behind, the girls took off together instead, laughing as leaves snapped below their feet.

“Are you sure Parker won’t be upset you’re missing practice?" Lynn tried to catch her breath as they slowed,

“Sisters before misters, Lynn.” Holly fixed her hair, “You know that better than me.” 

They stopped at this huge tree with branches perfect for climbing. Giving each other a look, they both dropped their bags and began scaling the tree until they settled into a branch just a little more than midway up. They could see the old karaoke bar and convenience store down by the outskirts of the city, 

“We should go there someday.” Holly pointed, swinging her legs below them,

“Grumpy’s? Our parents would kill us.” Lynn leaned on her palm, “Only middle aged day drunks go there. Plus Liz’ dad opened a better karaoke bar over the summer.” Lynn sighed, “Hey, what's your dad like?”

Holly slowly nodded, “He's… Something.” She wasn't sure how much she wanted to divulge. “Honestly we don't even really talk.”

“Sounds like the standard Sunset Valley parent-child relationship.”

She shook her head, “Maybe not. There’s less of a disconnect…More of a…fear?”

“Fear?” Lynn raised an eyebrow,

Holly breathed out, “Yeah. He just yells a lot... Nothing’s ever enough. If ever we don't look like the perfect family he screams at us and berates us till we cry. Then he gets pissed off we're crying and it just gets worse.”

Kaylynn hummed, shaking her head, “Okay. Not the standard. I’m really sorry Holly,”

Holly shrugged. She didn’t know why she was telling her any of this. “I wished for so long that I could be better for him, represent our family better, be the kind of girl that Liz and Lisa are. But I’m not sure I could do that and still authentically be me. I like the hair and outfits but making it my whole life…It seems so exhausting. I don’t know how they do it.”

Lynn let out a small half laugh, “I don’t really buy that they’re not exhausted either. I think that’s just how they’ve been conditioned to be.” She turned to her, “No one should feel like they have to jump through hoops like that just to feel like they’re worth taking up space.”

Holly looked at her, “Oh wow. Philosopher.”

Lynn giggled, “Not really. Just…reciting the pages of my diary,”

“Do you feel like you’re jumping through hoops too?” Holly could feel their hands inching close,

Lynn paused, looking at the ground below them before nodding, “Kind of. Or maybe more like people think I am or that I’m supposed to.” 

The girls could hear the football team in the distance letting out a loud roar over a successfully done play. 

“Ever feel like everything you say, or do, or even feel is wrong?” Holly asked, their pinkies just touching each other.

Kaylynn nodded, “Perhaps it’s a universal experience.”

Parker and Holly sat in his car together. They’d gone out to dinner at Le Petite Bistro, a little restaurant in town beside the library. It was another magical night for Holly, but not for the same reason as their first date. Now she felt like She could actually talk. But…as Holly saw Parker’s house down the street, she started to get a bit worried. Was he expecting them to do more tonight? 

As they pulled up, Parker stepped out of his car and opened the door for her. She looked at him apprehensively as he took her hand, helping her out of his car and leading her inside,

“Uhm, Parker…” Holly her voice broke,

“Hmm?” He hummed as he turned on the lights. No one else was home. Liz and the girls were probably all together doing homework at Lisa’s house,

“What’re we gonna do?” She tried to sound casual. She definitely failed.

He grinned, “I thought we’d watch a movie.” He held her hand gently, leading her to their entertainment room downstairs. He had a few blu rays resting on a coffee table, “You like Shrek?”

She laughed, nodding. That was a relief. 

She sat across the couch from him as he started movie. Even though they were just watching Shrek, which might have been one of the less sexy movies out there, she was still kind of nervous. This was her first time being alone, alone with Parker. It didn't count when he drove her home because she was hysterical over Jefferey. And being at the movies and in the fire escape didn't count since they were in public. Now they sat alone in his house and the pressure to be intimate felt pretty palpable.

Parker shifted a bit closer to her, putting his arm around her shoulders, just like he had at the theatre.

Holly looked at him, He simply smiled back,

To be completely honest, Parker had been wondering about those kinds of things. He had never actually been in a relationship, but as far as he knew, it seemed like couples… got intimate? At least, most of them did. He definitely didn’t think she like, ‘owed it’ to him or something crazy like that. He also guessed–scratch that–knew she was a virgin. But he thought she'd at least maybe want to? Or at least want to kiss. They’d been together for almost a month now and the most he’d done was give her a kiss on the forehead. Of course he did feel some guilt about…whatever was going on with Liz, but at least for now, they were both with other people.

“You seem nervous again,” Parker began, “You were fine out at dinner.” He tucked her hair behind her ear,

She was wearing a soft pink cardigan that tied together in a bow around her neck. He fiddled with the ends,

Holly panicked, grabbing the remote and pausing the movie, “Maybe we should just do our homework.”

He raised an eyebrow, “Uh…Who does homework on a date?”

“We can have a study date!" Her tone raised like she was asking a question,

“Who goes on study dates anymore?” He laughed,

She smiled nervously, "P-People who want to graduate…without repeating a year?" Her words came out broken and fumbled,

Parker's jaw dropped jokingly, "You throwing shade, Red?" He inched even closer to her,

Holly blushed, playfully pushing him back. He leaned closer towards her again, inching closer to her lips. Holly turned her head away, feeling her heartbeat through her chest. He ended up gently kissing her cheek. He paused awkwardly before leaning backward onto the couch.

"Sorry. " She whispered,

He bit the inside of his cheek. He clearly wasn't going to be getting much action here for a long time. He looked at the floor,

“No, I'm sorry.”

“Huh? What for?”

Parker tilted his head in different directions before settling on her gaze, “I’m not sure I’ve told you this before, but you’re my first girlfriend.” He sat back, looking at the ground,

Holly sat back too, “Oh. But I heard–” She began, “Well…I’ve heard things.” She didn’t want to blurt out what the girls had implied about him behind his back,

He nodded, “What you’ve heard is probably true.” He laughed, “Hell, it’s probably worse,” He scratched the back of his neck, “I’ll be completely honest, I’ve hooked up with a lot of girls, but I’ve never had a girlfriend. So I’m kind of winging this whole thing.”

Holly looked at him, kind of shocked, This was the first time she had seen him kind of nervous,

“I hope that doesn’t make you like me less.” He continued,

She took his hand, shaking her head, “If you’re okay with just doing what we’ve been doing–just spending time, hanging out, then I’m okay too. I  just don't want you to think I don't like you…"

He smiled flirtatiously, "I know you like me." 

Her face went beet red.

"I’m okay just hanging out. You’re a cool girl, Red"

She smiled, feeling a warmth in her chest and shifting closer to him as he pressed play on the remote.