Chapter 36: HGAT- Chapters 1&2

Today's riffers are...

Lexsi Marinn (L)

Mike Nelson (M)

Jonah Heston (J)

Emily Connor (E)

--------------------------

11/10/2020

M- See that date? It's obvious already that this book is terrible.

The Series of the Horse Gallopers:

 Book 2: Adventure Time  

ALL- I love that show!

Chapter 1

J- Hey, Lex, she looks like you!

L- Oh my god.

E- You just need to get a nose ring.

“Hmm. I remember the day where you all wrote your names in the dirt with your hooves. But now, I kinda want you to write the names that Collosus gave you… huh.”

J- Who's Colossus?

L- In the first book he was the main villain. He is terrible with names.

Wendy thought aloud. I-I can’t believe that Wendy want’s to call us such ridiculous names, 

L- See?

Others- Ohhhh...

Luna thought. Wendy sensed that Luna was getting tense with her. “Oh, but if you want to be called Luna, that’s fine. Just wondering what it would be like to call you Illusions.

M- Oh come on, that's her name?

E- It's plural, too! Come on, Colossus...

It is a cool name. Just - think about Luna.” Wendy said passionately. “Ok, I’ll think about it Wendy.” Luna responded. Wendy had learned the horse language, so she could speak with them.

J- She sucks at conjugations, though.

The horses also understood Wendy. So now that a year had passed, they were great communicators. But, Luna wanted to go on a mission,

E- Wait, they're a team of superheroes or something?

L- Horse Gallopers!

E- Ohhh...

but couldn’t find out how to tell the others now that it was all finally relaxed. “Well, IF I called you Illusions, MAYBE we would go on a mission.”

M- I never knew changing your name was a requirement to fight crime.

J- Absolutely! Look at Clark Kent.

Wendy wisphered in Luna’s ear. Luna’s eyes widened. Her heart started pounding. What if she WAS being called Illusions? But, a mission WOULD BE AWESOME! But… I wanna be called Luna. I must ask the elders, 

L- Is this a tribe? elders. God.

Luna thought. As she was walking through the safety of the forest, she heard a low growl, and saw pink eyes glowering at her. 

E- (gasps) A unicorn!

Chapter 2

J- Now who the hell is this guy?

“STARLIFT! I SEE YOU UP THERE! COME ON DOWN!” Luna shouted up at the trees. The low growl slowly turned into the familiar Starlift’s laugh.“GgggrrrrooooaaaahahahaHAHAHA!

L- HAHAHAHAHAHA!

J- HA HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

E- MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

M- Hee hee!

Ok, you caught me, foal.” Starlift chuckled as she hopped down onto the ground. “Anyway, can you please walk with me to the elder horses Black Rose, my mom Autumn, Spirit, and Misty?

M- Thanks a lot for reminding us who's old now, LUNA.

Please?” asked Luna very politely. “Sure. Although you DID say please twice.” Starlift chuckled.

E- (a la Starlift) "That's telling me you're desperate."

“I know because I wanted to be extra polite.”

J- I dunno... It says "very" polite... Gotta work on that accent.

Luna said, jokingly, as she tipped her snout up in the air. It has been a few years since she was born. Now, she was getting food by herself.

L- Isn't it just grass?

And Wendy was her closest friend. “I KNOW!” Said Colt as Luna was speaking to him. “Really? You agree? That we should be called normal names?” Luna asked. “No, I thought about it. We shall have WARRIOR names!

E- (a la Colt) "I wasn't listening to ANYTHING you were saying."

You know, like on our missions as WARRIORS OF THE JUNGLE?” Colt asked. Then, a reddish foal appeared. “Oh, hi Sphinx.” Said Luna. “Hey, Lumina finally found out what Colossus would name her!” Sphinx said. “Darkness!” Said Sphinx.

L- What do they have, an online quiz or something?

“DARKNESS?! THAT IS SO COOL!” Shouted Colt. “Well, I’M Illusions, Lumina’s Darkness, Sphinx must be Lavabender and Colt is Blacksmith. The names SHOULD be our warriors of the jungle names!” Luna said smartly. 

J- I don't think "said" and "smartly" work together.

“Yeah! That’s good with me!” said Sphinx. “I really like the name Lavabender!” Sphinx added after a moment of silence.

E- I bet that was so awkward just sitting around.

“Well, if my friends like it, then I guess it’s good with me too.” Colt added. “And if you think about it, I HAVE to change my name to Skyfall.” Marie said. “You know, I thought that I would NEVER get friends here, but you guys are the BEST FRIENDS!” Luna and Lumina said.

ALL- AT THE SAME TIME?!

“Being the-” “WARNING! IT’S HAWKEYE! HE HAS A WHOLE PACK! HORSE GALLOPERS! HELP!” Said the lookout, Autumn. “Even my MOM has a louder NEIGH.” Said Luna, trying to get rid of the 10 second deafness.

M- That can happen?

“Agreed.” Said Sphinx as they put on their gear. “Glisten, Misty, Black Rose, and Bolt, you guys have to stay here and guard the caves. Stormeye, Illusions, Lavabender, Blacksmith, Darkness, Skyfall, and Spirit, you crush them.

L- Motivation!

Autumn and Bronco, you get all of the foals that are well - trained and make them ride the chariot to strike.” Wendy ordered. “Yes ma’am.” all the horses said in unison.

1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...

Chapter 37: HGAT- Host Segment

(Jonah and Lexsi are both huddled over a computer)

Mike: Hey, guys, whatcha doing?

Lexsi: Jonah found an online quiz to see what Colossus would name us.

(Emily enters)

(Jonah suddenly is in the zone, and starts typing furiously)

Lexsi: Now he's filling out his appearance in excruciating detail.

Emily: Aww... He's always been so sensitive. (mockingly)

Jonah: Shut up. Shut up.

(Lexsi looks at the screen)

Lexsi: You are not 7 feet tall.

Jonah: Well, it's close enough!

(he finishes filling out that one question, then scrolls down, types others)

Emily: How many questions are there?

Lexsi: 5.

(Jonah finishes and looks at the result)

Jonah: "Treewalker." Huh. Poetic, in a way.

Lexsi: alright, my turn.

(She undoes the quiz, and fills out her own information)

Jonah: Well, you're a writer, talk about your looks.

(Lexsi types for a bit and moves on)

Jonah: "Knock on my door and see me yourself, coward"?

Lexsi: You never know.

(She reads the result)

Lexsi: "Sleepless". Makes sense.

Emily: Okay, now I wanna try.

Lexsi: Be my gue-

BEEP! BEEP!

ALL: WE GOT STORY SIGN!

Emily: "MOTHERCRABBER?!"

6... 5.. 4... 3... 2... 1...

Chapter 38: HGAT- Chapters 3-END

Jonah Heston (J)

Mike Nelson (M)

Lexsi Marinn (L)

Emily Connor (E)

-------------------

E- "Mothercrabber", huh?

J- You make a joke once and you get haunted by it the rest of your life.

Chapter 3

“Hawkeye! I KNEW IT! He has been planning this attack all along! And- wait, is that an American Quarter foal on one of his horse’s back?” Asked Luna.

E- (gasps) Someone knows their horses!

“Oh, my! That’s-

M- Carol!

wait, never mind.

M- Not Carol.

We MUST save her.” Autumn said. “HORSE GALLOPERS: GO!” Demanded Wendy as she mounted the chariot pulled by Autumn. “Help! Please!” Shouted the mysterious captured foal. “SHUSH, YOU FOAL! DON’T YOU SEE? I AM ABOUT TO BEAT THE- wait, what is their name again? It was- oh right- THE HORSE GALLOPERS?!”

L- (furiously) HA. HA. HA.

J- Comedic effect, my friends. Comedic effect.

Hawkeye said as the captured foal was struggling to break free from Hawkeye’s grasp.

M- He's a horse.

“STOP! RELEASE THAT FOAL AT ONCE!” Wendy said with Autumn about to run again. “Says who?” Hawkeye neighed. “Says the leader of the HORSE GALLOPERS!” Wendy shouted. “Yes? And what is your so- called- chariot puller’s name?” “WINDBURST!” Shouted Autumn. I’m Illusions, and my mom is Windburst. Cool… 

L- I think Mike would be "Blondebacker."

M- That's a mouthful.

Luna thought. Wendy came over and whispered in all the foals and colts ears,

E- "Talk about your names next."

“Guys, go rescue the foal. The rest of us will try to fight off and distract the rest.” “Yes ma’am.” all the foals and colts whispered. “But do it on MY COUNT.” Wendy added. “Yes ma’am.” the foals whispered again. “NOW!” Shouted Wendy. Luna, or Illusions, ran toward Hawkeye. “HELP!” Shouted the foal. Illusions and Blacksmith bucked the horses following Hawkeye. Lavabender gave Skyfall a signal, and Skyfall took a long jump and used her mouth to grab the foal and took off.

L- She's not a tiger cub, idiots.

“What is your name?” Asked Skyfall. “S-Sunsdalle…” Groaned the foal. “I know her actual name…” Windbreaker said. “Skylar. Illusions, she is your younger sister.

J- WHAT A TWIST!

Skylar, I’m here. Like I promised…” Said the bold but fierce mother.

E- (a la Autumn) "HISSSS! SKYLAR! ILLUSIONS, SHE IS YOUR YOUNGER SISTER!"

Wendy was cornered by Hawkeye with Skyfall at her side. Skylar bucked Hawkeye on his back hooves hard and he galloped away in pain. “Hello. What is your name? I am Wendy.” Wendy patted Skylar on the head. Luna was relieved that this was over mainly because she was sick of being called Illusions during battles.

Chapter 4

“That foal was your sister? Cool…” Sphinx said, eating delicious hay. “I know, but SHE would get more attention!” Luna said. “Who cares about attention! You can have all of mine.” Colt said sheepishly as Luna blushed.

J- Ah... When loving lovers love.

“CAN YOU IMAGINE HER AS MY SISTER?! SHE IS FRIENDS WITH HURRICANE AND THE OTHERS!”

M- That's discrimination and that's not nice!

Luna looked over to her sister, giggling as Colt and Lumina made her laugh. “And yet she loves you.” Said Sphinx. “Whatever! She should play with Gustly!” Luna said. Gustly was a brown foal.

E- -And will never be mentioned for the rest of this book.

“Welp, I guess life is life. You can’t go back in time and change it…” Sphinx began.

M- DING!

“Wait! I can TRAIL her out! Back to the wild!” Luna said. “NO. She is a JOY to have around! LIVE WITH IT!” Said Sphinx. “Hey big sissy! Wanna play?” Asked Skylar, sounding so cute. Luna tried to protest, but she was too hard to resist. Later, Skylar and all of Luna’s friends were running in the field so fast that Luna had to dodge every second. They looked like they were having so much fun rolling in the grass and running all over the land, but Luna wanted to make a plan.

L- (groaning) Which one?

But instead, she pulled Colt while no one was watching. Since she was no foal, her mom always told her to get a mate now.

J- Independence just went FSHHH! Out the door.

And she never told Colt this: She LOVED him. She thought she had found a mate. “Luna? I love you too.” Colt said as Luna confessed her love for him. “Well, I guess we should break out the news…” Luna said as they saw Sphinx hearing the whole thing. The next day, they were officially mates.

M- I've been to one of those official horse mating ceremonies.

J- Really?

M- Yeah. Boring stuff.

They went out on a nice clean spot on the field and had a private chat every day. Luna loved this life. Then, one day, their custom bell started to ring. It hadn’t rang for a whole YEAR. Luna was asleep, and then, Colt had woken her up and said, “Luna, we have to get moving. NOW.” “Why?” Asked Luna. “Luna, remember?” Asked Colt.

E- "Your meds?"

If you haven’t known, it has been a few years since they were officially mated.

L- No. No, we didn't know. Thank you.

So, Luna was about to have a foal. The bell, however, was a warning sign. Colt ran Luna to the chariot. As Luna got on, Autumn and Skylar trotted onto the chariot too. Autumn and Colt pulled the chariot as fast as they could, and on the horizon, the fate of Luna’s home was almost crushed. Hawkeye was winning, and little did Luna know, Black Rose was in danger.

L- Of bankruptcy?

Of death.

L- Ohhh...

Can she save her?

J- Can she save her?

M- You tell me.

Chapter 5

They finally found a treeless spot at midnight. Luna settled down, and passed out. She had never had a foal before. As she passed out, she saw a figure of someone. In her mind, she asked, “Who are you?” A blue roan adult horse glared at her sweetly. “It’s your father, Bluemoon.

M- I have the sudden urge to go to a bar.

Or Minoco.”

J- NOOO! AGAIN WITH THE SOUNDS!

“Dad?” Asked Luna. “Yes. I have been here and in hiding. I will help produce…… your…… foal…” He said.

E- In this world, the dot dot dot dot dot dots resemble strength.

“In my MIND?! Are you dead?” Asked Luna. “Yes, I am dead. For every time you produce a foal, a dead loved one will appear in your mind and give you strength.” Minoco said.

L- Who'd my mom see? Micheal Jackson?

“For it is time to go, my sweet sprout, for you will give birth now… now…” Minoco said as his voice faded away. “Oof. What happened?” Asked Luna, waking up. There, at her feet,

E- Hooves.

was a blue roan/black foal. “Oh! I shall name her-” “No, HIM.” Colt corrected. “Well then I shall name him… STARLORD!” Luna shouted. “STARLORD?!”

L and J- (singing) Hey... Hey... What the matter with the-

Autumn asked, confused. “Sure! I want him to feel as realistic as possible!” Luna said. “REALISTIC?!” Skylar asked, 5 times the confusion as her mom. “You know, all I have ever known, is Colossus staring at me and saying: ‘You've done well, Illusions.’

L- Yeah, barely.

Now, since he is dead, I want my foal here to remember his first compliment!” Luna explained. “Huh. I never thought of it that way.” Colt said. “I have always thought of Colt Jr.” “Oh, STOP it!” Luna said playfully. Then she realized he was serious. “Oh.” She said.

J- (a la Colt) "Think about it."

E- That one's in rehab!

J- That is the most "Dad" horse I've ever seen.

Chapter 6

Colt and Luna both were arguing about the foal’s name. They finally agreed on “Tiffy.” Listen, I am a book, so don’t ask why they came up with a ridiculous name. And so, Tiffy, Colt, and Luna trotted onto the chariot and Autumn and Skylar pulled. “Mama, do you love me?” asked Tiffy, sounding upset.

M- YOU TOOK YOUR FIRST BREATH TEN SECONDS AGO!

“Why of COURSE, little Tiffy. I am your mother, and I love you in every way.” Luna said kindly. “Why do you ask?” Asked Colt. “Look. A meany horse is comin to us.” Tiffy pointed towards HAWKEYE.

L- Oh, again?

E- Get outta here, buddy...

“MOM! SKYLAR! PULL! WE NEED TO HURRY!” Luna shouted. When they were home, Colt rushed towards his mother. “Colt, I am so sorry.” Black Rose said. “Mom, don’t go…” Colt sobbed. “I have to… Heaven is waiting. I was meant to die today. I saw SIGNS. Plus, Hawkeye has a lock of my mane.”

M- So in this world, if someone takes a strand of your hair, that just means you're done?

L- I guess. Peace out?

Black Rose weakened. “Please, I can’t die now. Get that blade grass and cut through my back.”

L- (trying not to laugh) Blade of grass?

“I love you!” Sobbed Colt as he killed his mother once and for all.

E- Oh- stop being dramatic. grass isn't THAT sharp.

“Dada, I am sowwy.” Tiffy said. “Tiffy. I just killed your grandmother.” Colt said. “It's okay. I have another gwandmofer.” Tiffy said.

J- They had to wait for the speech problem to kick in. It's just a foal thing- it's completely normal.

“Tiffy, I need you to go to the foal stables.” Luna sent Tiffy to bed. “LUNA! MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!” Shouted Sphinx the next day. Luna was getting ready to give Tiffy milk when Lumina and Sphinx were on the chariot going to where Tiffy was born. “Lumina?! Are you giving birth to a foal?!” Luna asked. “Yes!” Lumina shouted in pain.

L- I had absolutely no idea these two interacted.

Later, Lumina came back with not only twin foals, but with Wendy holding one stray dog and two stray tiger cubs in her arms. “Hey, who is that?” Asked Luna. Wendy picked up one of the cubs that had a fat, black, nose. “This little guy is Hobbes!”

ALL- I LOVE THAT COMIC!

Wendy said. She then picked up the other cub that had some red on her front stripe. “This is Phoenix.”

J- Phoenix is back, guys...

E- Oh come on...

M- Does she keep coming back in every book?

L- I wonder what trauma she has to dump this time.

“Huh. Horses.” Phoenix said. Luckily, Luna saw that both Hobbes and Phoenix were not amused and did not think of them as a food source. “Ok, let us get to the major point…” Luna said.  “YOU UNDERSTAND ALL ANIMALS?!” Luna asked in shock. “What? My dad was a zoologist.” Wendy shrugged.

M- I wish my Dad was a zoologist. That would be so cool.

L- If that were POSSIBLE!

“Wow. Well who is THAT?” Luna asked as she tipped her snout at the dog. “Ahh, this? This is Willow the wolf. Turns out, she was just a loving loner wolf, just looking for family, or even a friend. But she does do good in combat.”

E- I am not in the mood to know how you know that.

Wendy replied. “PREY! Mmmmm. YUM!  HORSES! WE CAN EAT ‘EM! FOOOOOOOOD!” Willow howled excitedly. “No! I’mma not food! W-Wight, momma?” asked Tiffy

J- Tiffy has shifted from four different speech issues in the span of a chapter.

L- He's trying them all out.

as he jumped and cowared backwards. “No. We ARE NOT food.” said Luna bravely as she stepped forward and in front of Tiffy. “Oh! This spotted foal here is Kit!” Lumina pointed to one of her foals, who was spotted. “Hello.” Kit said. Kit was white with brown spots all over him. “WILLOW. No. Eating. The HORSES. Okaaaay?” said Wendy sternly, but sweetly. “Oh. Horses not for eating? Weeeell… Aw Ok!” Willow whined. “H-h-h-h-h-h-h-hi… WOLf.” Misty asked nervously.

L- Coming from a writer here- THAT WAS NOT A QUESTION!

“Well this is Kacey. She is Kit’s twin sister.” Lumina nudged a silver-white foal towards the others. Luna looked at her left.

M- A FIRE!

There was a fierce horse. Luna realized it was her spirit animal.

(Jonah looks at his left)

J- Ugh... Does it have to be Lexsi?

The question was…

M- What was the question?

E- These are horses, what was the-

Was she even ready?

L- Oh...

ALL- FOR WHAT?

J- Let's get outta here...

George Forrester- (intercom) You wait right there, Lexsi Marinn and Mike Nelson! We have the unfinished third novel for you right here!

J- See ya!

E- Have fun!