Chapter 91: The Year Goes By- Prologue and Chapter One

Today's Riffers are...

Crow T. Robot (C)

Tom Servo (T)

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T- Carry me in.

C- No.

T- CARRY ME IN!

C- Jeeps, FINE!

Hello, I am January. My mother is Winter, and my siblings are December and February. I am 14, and I am a month.

T- Considering the fact that the months were created long, long ago... I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say she's lying and she's much older than that.

Well, month/person. When it is time to do your month,

C- I just realized a pattern in a lot of the books. You "do" many things.

you go to a place with your family called the YEARSITE.

T- THE YEARSITE.

There, you get these electric chains and you wrap it around your arms, and wrists. Once you say “Power.” your mom or dad has to approve it and then electric waves go through the chains

(Tom and Crow scream)

and then you POOF! Then you open your eyes and find yourself going up into the clouds. Where the WEATHER PEOPLE come in. Their names are Sun, Snow, Storm, and Rain.

T- I think we can remove Rain from this, Storm does everything.

C- Hey! She reached into her pocket full of sunshine.

T (a la Elsa)- THE COLD DOESN'T BOTHER ME ANYWAY...
C- (a la picture) "Hayyy."

T- We just saw Snow twice.

AND THEY ARE VERY VERY ANNOYING. Why? BECAUSE Sun is always SO HAPPY AND JOYFUL ALL THE TIME. Snow is always so… how do I explain it… a bit SLY AND STUFF.

(Crow and Tom cackle like supervillains)

Storm is always so MAD.

C- Oh my god, at this point, Rain's gonna be sad.

At least I am always at the beginning of the year, and then one whole year goes by. Well, since you're here, I guess I’ll just tell you the story…        

T- This looks like an Evanescence album cover without the filter.

THIS IS THE STORY ABOUT MY MONTH. STARTING WITH NEW YEARS EVE...

T- Oh boy, BUCKLE IN!

Chapter 1:

“JANUARY! IT IS ALMOST MIDNIGHT!” February shouted, tugging me to the YEARSITE.

C and T- (shouting) THE YEARSITE!

Yep, that’s me. January Snowfall Newyear. That was my little sister, February Heart Newyear. Unfortunately, not like always, this year…

I HAVE A PLAN.

T- Don't they all?

My plan? I need a BLIZZARD on new year's day.

C- That seems fun!

T- I love snowstorms.

C- Remember back on Earth where Mike would make snowmen out of you?

As I was wrapped in the electric chains, Winter, my mom, was counting down. What for?

For me to say the magic words. I said them.

(Crow inhales obnoxiously)

C- (sweetly) "Pleaaase?"

“Power.” I said.

“Power?” Asked Tuesday to my mother.

T- Power power power?

C- Power power.

T- Power power power, power power.

“Sure.” Said my mom. And like always, the SECOND I poof up into the clouds, as I’m going up, I GET LETTERS FROM MY FAMILY…

C- They must be used to this by now, just whipping out an essay in fifteen seconds.

Dearest January,

Happiness filled the air!

T- "Past tense. We hate you."

I can’t wait for you to start commanding Sun, Snow, Rain, and Storm! My, you are lucky to go to the clouds! Only 31 more days!

C- 30. 30 more days.

You can do it!

Mom

Wow, how touching. It is definitely food for thought. I had a lot of food for thought

T- What does food for thought mean?

C- I dunno.

T- By the looks of it, the author doesn't know either.

when I got December’s, my older brother’s, letter.

January,

Jeez, why do YOU have to be the start of a new year?! I give the JOY to the kids! Suspense! I AM 18!

C- Sorry, is this taking place at the beginning of A.D or something?

YOU ARE ONLY 14! On the plus side, your leftover candy bar tasted nice.

Ha ha

T- Why do I feel as if this is a Diary of a Wimpy Kid book?

December.

GRRRRR!

(Crow starts barking)

I HATE IT WHEN HE DOES THAT! HE ATE MY CANDY BAR! Anyway, February wasn’t helpful.

January,

Did you get mom’s letter? It wasn’t helpful. Let me give YOU advice: Drop Dead.

February

T- I think I once sent a letter like that to Lexsi.

As I went up into the clouds, Sun greeted me with her usual: “Welcome back.” “Hi,” I mumbled, “Time to do our… thing.” “Aww, come on kid! Cheer up! Have a happy - no AMAZING attitude! It’ll be a-o-”

T- God dam- JOY FROM INSIDE OUT, STOP REINCARNATING!

I cut Sun off and said a bit louder, “I’m fine, Sun. Thanks.” Then I mumbled something else under my breath, “For nothing.”

C- She seems like one of those people who really wants you to know she doesn't like you.

“What was that, sweetheart?” asked Sun. Uh oh. “Nothing.” I mumbled quickly. Then, Sun gave me her sly smile and looked at me side-ways. “Ooooooh, really?” she said skeptically. I rolled my eyes. Ooooooh boy. Here comes the roller coaster, I thought. I turned my back to Sun, and walked to my usual spot.

T- She's gonna have a heartfelt concert on that podium.

“A little snow, perhaps?” I asked as I settled in. “Ok!” Snow said. Then, there was a huge blizzard. Later, I heard whispering. “Thank you.” Then the snow stopped. “WHERE IS MY BLIZZARD?!” I asked loudly.

T- I dunno, you had it last!

C- That's a stupid joke! I'm gonna tell Joel, and Mike, and Lexsi, and the other guys, and they're gonna all make you get in trouble!

“Sorry, but we only do it when absolutely necessary!” Snow yelled. “WHO’S the month here?! You or ME?!” I asked harshly. “You…” Snow sighed. Then, Summer, Autumn, Spring, and my mom came, angry. “MOM!” I shouted. “You may be a slight ‘A’ student

T- Slight? She sucks!

C- Oc-To-Ber! Oc-To-Ber!

T and C- Oc-To-Ber! Oc-To-Ber!

at school, but this behavior is UNACCEPTABLE!” My mom said. “So, you are NOT spending your month this way! BACK DOWN!” Oh, no. I thought. I am not controlling my month this year! Then, as I went down, I think I saw a smirk on Sun’s face. 

T- I'm confused- did she want this?

C- Sun's a strange character.

T- I feel like Lexsi just put smirks in for the kicks.

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Chapter 92: The Year Goes By- Host Segment

(Crow enters with Tom. Jonah is observing)

Jonah: Hey, what'd they make you read?

Crow: This is our show now, Jonah. No humans allowed!

Jonah: Well, we literally make your bedtimes, so...

Tom: No humans allowed!

Jonah: We also put you in time out!

Crow and Tom: NO HUMANS ALLOWED!

Crow: you're not budging? Fine with us!

Tom: That's why we made these very signs! (No Humans Allowed signs show up)

Jonah: Well, I'm gonna tell Joel if you-

Crow: Who cares if Joel Robinson moseys on over here and gets us in trouble!

Tom: We are the living proof that robots can have opinions and feelings and can go rouge! Crow, my brother!

Crow: Yes, Servo?

Tom: There is a human being in our sight! Vanquish him!

Crow: Yes, brother!

(Crow tries to scare Jonah out of the room. It doesn't work. Silence)

Tom: Peck him with your beak.

Crow: My beak is too flat. Get over here, Tom.

Tom: I'm not touching him with my mouth! Yuck!

Jonah: Okay! God! If you want me to go, I'll... I'll go. Goodbye and good luck.

(Jonah exits)

Crow: That went well.

Tom: Crow, as the leader of our fellow bot-

Crow: Who made you the king?

Tom: Because I CALLED IT, CROW!

Crow: I called the king telepathically before you were made!

Tom: THAT'S NOT FAIR!

BEEP! BEEP!

Crow and Tom: WE GOT STORY SIGN!

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Chapter 93: The Year Goes By- END

Crow T. Robot (C)

Tom Servo (T)

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T- Stupid...

(Crow blows a raspberry)

Chapter 2

“MOM! THE WHOLE YEAR’S GONNA BE MESSED UP! STOP! I MUST GO BACK UP! AND I THOUGHT I SAW A SMIRK - YEAH A SMIRK - ON SUN’S FACE!

T- REALLY? A SMIRK?

BRING. ME. BACK. DOWN!” I roared at my mother. “No. With THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR, ABSOLUTELY NOT. Although, I might HAVE to let you back up there because then we will have to skip this month which will mean MORE SCHOOL young lady.” “FIIIIINE!” I said sarcastically.

C- That doesn't sound very sarcastic.

T- Yeah, "Fine" isn't a good word for sarcasm, right, Crow?

C- "Sarcasm" is my middle name.

As I sat in my seat in school, Mrs. Wednesday was looking at me.

T- Isn't your middle name "The"?

“Back already? I don’t want to hear the ridiculous story.” She said. “I am handing out your report cards today…” She continued. When I looked at my report card, I SCREAMED!

C- In public? No you didn't.

Newyear, January S.

Controlling your month      C-

Powers       A

Socializing with Weather     D-

T- Socializing? You get a grade for socializing?

C- Lexsi's getting an F-.

Homeroom                            F

Human Interacting              B-

T- You didn't scream.

Mom is gonna KILL me! I thought. I was right. “JANUARY NEWYEAR! WHAT CHILD OF MINE WOULD GET SUCH TERRIBLE GRADES!”

C- January Newyear, of course!

Mom shouted. “Yeah? What about MY SIBLING’S grades?” I asked. Then, February came into the room shouting: “MOM! I JUST GOT MY REPORT CARD! I MADE THE HONOR ROLL!” 

Newyear, February H.

Controlling Your Month         A+

Powers       A

Socializing With Weather      B+

Homeroom       A-

Human Interacting               B

C- Considering the fact that this is Februrary... Shouldn't she get an A in human interaction?

T- Oooh! Snap!

“And- What?!” Mom looked at December’s report card. At least I’m not the only one. HIS grades are even WORSE. F-’s on EVERY SINGLE SUBJECT!

T- I feel like this shows how much December slacks off because he knows he's getting presents.

Welp, I have a good POWERS grade…   

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