Asha and Crail
Here are the riffers for today's book!
Lexsi Marinn (L)
Gypsy (G)
Crow T. Robot (C)
Tom Servo (T)
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ASHA AND CRAIL: THE FIRST ADVENTURES BOOK 1
T- Oh, wonderful, the first.
C- The second's all about their second adventures.
PROLOGUE:
G- Such empty space!
"CRAIL!" Shouted a young alien that had black eyes, and blue skin, and four arms with a tank top, skirt, and ponytail. "WHAT IS IT?!" Shouted Crail, her younger brother, who was the same as her except he had a tank top sweat shirt and shorts, and spiky hair.
L- The future clothing style really disappoints me.
T- They shop at Ambercrombie!
"It's our time to shine! Let's go to the MOTHERSHIP!" Said the alien with a ponytail. “Ok, Asha.” Yawned Crail
L- Our main characters, everybody!
ALL- clapping
as they rushed to the MOTHERSHIP: A huge ship with a purple stroke and a curved tip on the front that looked like a giant eye with multiple pupils. “Can I please be the captain Asha?” Crail begged as they stepped aboard the MOTHERSHIP.
T- (shouting) thE MOTHERSHIP.
The inside was white and there were pink and blue buttons in the control room, their mom, Sythia, took them on lots of adventures, or trips, through space. They had their room on the ship, a pink side and a green side with two beds on each side, that was their space. Asha did the pink side,
C- How do you "do" the pink side?
she had a desk, an anvil, a few swords and futuristic weapons, and her prized possession: A heart-shaped locket of her family. Her dad, who looked a lot more like Crail, was named Sipho. Her mom on the other side of the picture was half like Crail and Asha. She had spiky hair, and her ponytail made her tip of her hair spiky and she had a ripped skirt and a tank top. In that picture in little Asha and Crail’s arms, was their blue and yellow Acaridian Gecko, Cosimo. The gecko was very sweet.
L- Was. Keyword there.
And one day, Asha and Crail wanted to bring Cosimo with them.
L- I tried so, so, so hard to be different and stray away from names like Cosmo.
And as they set foot on the planet, Jupiter, they saw that Cosimo had gone missing. The legend says the gecko like Cosimo was invincible, so there are still hopes for him.
C- No, I'm pretty sure that's just plot armor.
Asha is 101, and Crail is 88. (They NEVER, EVER, AGE.) “ASHA! Look!” Crail called.
G- What?!
“Yikes! I mean, wow!” Asha gawked
ALL- WHAT?!
as she saw her little witty brother flying the ship on his own,
C- Too bad he's only a little witty.
the stars are just what she needs for inspiration. Asha always suggested that there should be a paint job done to the mothership. After all, the purple stroke is SO last week.
G- HEY!
L- She doesn't mean you, Gypsy, it's alright...
Chapter 4: Asha and Crail- Chapters 1&2
Lexsi Marinn- L
Crow T. Robot- C
Tom Servo (T)
Gypsy (G)
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CHAPTER 1
“Wow! Look! OOOH!” Crail exclaimed in awe as they flew past the galaxy called, well, Africa. They call it Africa because of the redish orange dusty stars that the aliens on the planets see.
L- Their only ideas for galaxies came from the almanac.
“I never saw that in YEARS. Look at that FUTURELAN!” Shouted Crail, making the ship move towards a glowing neon pink, green, and orange planet. The weird thing about Futurelan?
T- Uh, nobody knows who "africa" is??
All the aliens there are half CAT.
G- Ohhh, cute!
As Asha ordered Crail to stay on the ship, she peeked outside. All of the citizens there made her very shy. But she took a wonderful deep breath and took a step onto the smooth, robotic, ground. As she looked both ways to cross, she saw a 100% speed hoverboard with a human with tiger ears and a tiger tail came from her left BLAZED by.
T- Lexsi, I'm confused- how does math work in this world you made? Just how fast is 100% speed?
L- Well, if you think about it... 50% speed is probably half of the energy source's power... Then 100% speed is the end of time!
C- But does 100% speed mean a hundred em-ph?
T- "Em-ph"?
C- Yeah. M-P-H. Em-ph.
L- We'll talk later.
“Crail! GET BACK HERE!” Asha shouted as Crail jumped out the ship and hung onto the hoverboard. The human with tiger ears and tiger tail stopped the hover board and dragged Crail towards Asha.
T- Scarlet Johanssen, everybody!
ALL- claps
“This yours? OMG! IS THAT A SPACESHIP!? Can I be in your crew? My name is Striper.”
Tom and Crow- STRIPPER?
L- STRIPE! ER!
G- STRIPPER?
L- STRIPER!
Said the human with tiger ears and tiger tail. “Sure! I am the weapon maker, and Crail here is the captain!” Asha said as Crail looked at her and hugged her tight.
T- (falsetto) "Oh! I'm gonna kill you for that!"
“Can I be Captain's guard? I have plasma blasters!”
Crow- HIRED!
Said Striper. “Do you have an idea of where to go?” Asked Crail. “Aquadoria!” Shouted Striper.
CHAPTER 2
“Aquadoria, there it is.” Said Asha holding onto the spaceship as her and Striper were making Striper’s new room. As they finished, they jumped off the spaceship onto a, well, nothing! The entire surface of Aquadoria was made of water!
G- Ohhh, AQUA! That makes sense.
As Striper put on her water helmet, she dived in with Asha and Crail. There, so down deep in the water, was the CORE. The first ever cooled down core in the galaxy! At their left, they saw two mermaids writing quickly on waterproof construction paper. ¨Bubbles! Come back!¨ Shouted a mermaid with a pink tail chasing after a gecko… Cosimo! ¨OH MY GOSH! THANK YOU FOR FINDING COSIMO!¨ Asha shouted. ¨I TOLD you it was an Acaridian Gecko, Rainbow.¨
T- A mermaid named Rainbow? Now I know for sure a 9-year-old made this!
Sighed a mermaid with a purple tail. ¨CRYSTAL! SPACESHIP!¨ Rainbow shouted as Crystal and her looked at the Mothership. “Can we be in your crew? We could be the engineers!”
C- HIRED!
Shouted Rainbow. ¨Sure! Crail here is our captain, Striper is our lead guard, and I am the weapon maker.¨ Asha said. As the new recruits stepped into the hovering ship, they built their room in .2 seconds. “WHOA. That was pretty fast, mermaids!”
ALL- Preeeetty niiiice!
cried Asha. “Yeah, we were born that way.”
T- Sonic the Hedgehog, everybody!
ALL- clapping
Crystal said, getting situated in her new room. “Man, am I getting homesick! Can I be returned to my planet? I will still be on your team. How about a little dropoff?” Striper said as she was twitching her tail.
C- (falsetto) "Godammit, we'll get there when we get there!"
“Sure!” Said Asha.
Chapter 5: Asha and Crail- Chapters 3&4
Lexsi Marinn (L)
Crow T. Robot- (C)
Tom Servo (T)
Gypsy (G)
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CHAPTER 3
FUTURELAN
C- It's the first time where the heading establishes where we are!
“Bye! We will see you next week! So long!” Asha and the crew yelled as Striper exited the Mothership
T- (falsetto) Hehhh... Bye... Jerk.
onto her planet again. “BY- AHHH!”
ALL- I feel good!
Striper screamed as an electric bus ran over her. “GET HER IN! CRYSTAL! GO!” Asha demanded as they rushed Striper into the engineering room. An hour later, Striper woke up.
L- God, that was quick!
G- Yeah, but from what?
“Oh good. I’m alive.” She said. “Now you LOOK like your normal self, you still have the tiger ears and tiger tail. You STILL have human skin, you STILL have plasmas, except under you, you are a robot.” Crystal said as Striper looked into her shining eyes. “I know this w-” “I HAVE ALWAYS DREAMED OF BEING THIS WAY! OH JOY! THANK YOU GOD! I AM FREE!” Striper ran out of the room.
T- Context! Yoo-hoo! Pspspspssps, come here, girl! whistles
“Free? What do you MEAN free?!” Asked Crystal. “Well, when a Futurelanian is born, (That is me.)
L- The parenthesis...
we get this microbite in us that only the leader can control. By controlling it, she programmed the citizens of Futurelan with microbites to get shocked when we cross an area that is not open to the public. And we all get levitation when we disobey her.
G- Cool, but what do you mean, free?
Anyway, what powers do I have?” Striper said. “Every single power in the world.” Rainbow said. “Yup.” Said Crystal. “OH JOY! THANK YOU! GRACIAS! OH GOD BLESS FUTURELAN! I AM FREE! OH GOD BLESS THE SOLAR SYSTEM! THANK YOU OH SO VERY MUCH! YAYYYYY!”
C- Striper, God has blessed enough.
T- Yeah, it's my turn!
Striper shouted as she dashed to her room. “Anyway, who’s driving the Mothership?” Asked Crystal. “According to my calculations- wait what? Oh, Asha is.”
T- (in an announcer voice) And what does that mean for the plot?
ALL- NOTHING!
CHAPTER 4
“EVERYBODY! ENEMY SHIP!” Asha shouted, trying to make out what the ship belonged to. Ummm, that is half the size of our ship! What do they expect, a battle? We can swipe them off our path like a pencil writing on paper!
L- Asha, you are not good at improv.
G- Miss Marinn, what does she mean?
L- I dunno.
Asha thought, clutching the steering wheel with Cosimo on her shoulder. She saw a flag with a acaridian on it with a gun and shield appear on the top of the ship. A speaker came out and started talking. Asha couldn’t figure out what it was saying. The only words she heard was: Murs He Lip Ver Lsha N Gail. Do these guys even know english?
ALL- Do YOU?
They are clearly burglars and stole our flag! “Ome n, Ou Eard E, Uys! Murs He Lip Ver!”
C- Murs he lip ver?
T- Murs he lip ver.
C- Huh...
T- Yeah.
Said the glitched voice. “DO YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT LEARNING ENGLISH?!” Asha said to her speaker. “Asha, you dummy, they OBVIOUSLY have your flag and their SPEAKERS are broken!” Crystal said. “Yeah! Plus, that is YOUR ship!” Rainbow said, jotting down a few notes for who knows what. “My- MY SHIP?” Asha asked. “Duh, see those marks? That is definitely an acaridian ship.” Rainbow said. “SO? HOW DOES THAT MAKE IT AN ACARIDIAN SHIP?” Asha asked. “It says 400 BC.
T- Nerd!
That is the year when the acaridians made a truce with the Zorglings
C- Geek!
and got to name and own the planet they chose.
G- Four-eyes!
Kinda like the American Revolution, but a zillion years before.”
L- Loser!
Rainbow said. “About a BILLION years, to be exact.” Crystal said.
ALL- Paste-eater...
“You stupid mermaids have been looking through my textbooks again, have you?” Asha said. “No, we know this. We are very intelligent, you know.” Said the mermaid sisters. “YOU? INTELLIGENT? GIVE ME A BREAK!”
L- "But very intelligent? A breaker break!"
Said somebody behind them. It was the acaridian leader, Sythia. Also known as Asha and Crail’s mom.
T- My Villain Alarm just went off!
“HEY! We are intelligent! We… are mermaids.”
L- "And... That's it."
G- Don't you go Torgo on me, you fish!
Crystal said, as she flipped her hair with her hand as she flapped her tail, being SO OVERDRAMATIC. Sythia rolled her eyes at her as she said, “ Besides, my Asha here is MY DAUGHTER.” “Speaking of which,” Asha tugged her mom. “MOM! What do ya want?” She asked.
C- (Falsetto) Money!
“MY SHIP.” Sythia straightened her face into a face ready for battle. “Oh no you don’t!” Striper pushed Sythia out of the ship.
T- Batgirl, everybody!
ALL- claps
Asha looked over to the mermaids. “Well, I guess you’d better patch up that-'' Asha paused. Crystal and Rainbow had space helmets on. “...hole…” Asha said. As Crystal and Rainbow fixed up the hole, they took off the helmets and the air on the ship refilled. “Jeez, WHERE is our captain?”
G- JEEEEEZ!
Asked Striper, fiddling with her tail. “My brother? Where is he?” Asked Asha. “YOU HAVE ONE MESSAGE FROM THE ACARIDIAN SHIP 18” Said the MOTHERSHIP'S computer, Lara.
T- THE MOTHERSHIP!
L- Calm the hell down.
“Lara, read the message.” Asha said. The voice on the message started to run. “(CRRRR) Asha! It is Crail!
L- "IT IS"?
I got captured on the Acaridian Ship 18! (CRRRR) Mom got me before she got into the conversation with you and the mermaids! (CRRRR) PLEASE HELP! She took all of your plans you wrote down and she put it into a safe in the ship! (CRRR) I saw the code! Write it down! (CRRRR) The code is 898989! (CRRRR) I am counting on you, Asha!”
C- "Ugh, can we leave him?"
“Oh, no! Crail!” Asha sobbed. “MESSAGE HAS ENDED. SEND ANOTHER MESSAGE BACK?” Said Lara. “Sure, I will send a message to the Acaridian Ship 18.” “Ok, record message.”
T- (Falsetto) "Suck it."
“Crail, we are happy you are alive. Me and the crew are going to save you. Send your coordinates. Bye Crail, stay safe. This was Asha.” “SEND MESSAGE?” Asked Lara.
T- (Falsetto) "Hehehe, I was kidding, I meant to add in a FOMO selfie."
“Send.” Asha sighed. “MESSAGE SENT!” Lara said. Asha prayed, “Crail, I hope you are safe.”
T- Lex, we need to have a chat about this.
L- I was thinking the same thing, come on...
(They exit.)
Chapter 6: Asha and Crail- Host Segment
L: Hello, everyone, I'm Lexsi Marinn, and Tom Servo would like to talk to us about our story today. Tom?
T: Thanks, Lex, see... I don't understand half of the descriptions here. When we're in the dark and I notice something utterly stupid, I start thinking about whether or not those things work in real life... Like... I had no idea a weapon maker existed!
L: Well, Tom, sorry to break it to you but... We just call them engineers.
T: Oh, was it another one of your delusional jobs so one of the main characters seem important?
L: Precisely. In fact, Striper the Cyborg was one of my favorite characters, so what did I make her?
C: A captian's guard! Ohhh!
T: Also, what's with the sentence about a face straightening into a battle face?
C: And why is "face" used so many times in it?
L: Well, it's quite simple, really. All Sythia did was glare at her, and have a villainous smirk.
G: Is that because she's the villain?
L: You got it, Gyps!
BEEP! BEEP!
L: OH WE GOT STORY SIGN!
T: But what about the nerdmaids? What about the NERDMAIDS?!
(6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...)
Chapter 7: Asha and Crail- Chapter 5-End
Lexsi Marinn (L)
Crow T. Robot (C)
Tom Servo (T)
Gypsy (G)
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CHAPTER 5
ACARIDIAN SHIP 18
“YOU HAVE ONE MESSAGE” Said the Acaridian Ship 18’s computer, Fauna. “Read the message.” Said Sythia. “Crail, we are happy you are alive. (CRRRR) Me and the crew are going to save you. (CRRRRR) Send your coordinates. (CRRRR) Bye Crail, stay safe. This was Asha.” Said Asha on the computer.
C- You see how it all just neatly ties together?
“Crail, explain this.” Said Sythia. “MESSAGE HAS ENDED. SEND ONE BACK?” “Sush, you stupid computer.” Crail said. “Calling for an SOS, have you?” “Yeah, this DUMP is SOOOOO BORINGGG!” “I have to agree.”
T- (Falsetto) "I do need to work on my grammar."
“Yeah.” “IT WAS YOUR FAULT FOR LETTING ASHA TAKE YOU ONTO THE SHIP! MY SHIP!” “Yeah, we DESERVE it!” Said Crail, shooting his gun and exiting the Acaridian Ship 18 in one of it’s escape pods.
G- Guns?
C- Come on, Lex, really?
L- It's a space book!
“WELCOME… I AM FAUNA, THE ACARIDIAN SHIP 18’S SMART COMPUTER. WHERE DO YOU WISH TO TRAVEL?”
C- The names for these AI computers are so weird... Lara... Fauna...
L- That's because they were made by young Tony Stark. It took a while for him to work out the kinks, so...
C- Ohhh...
Said a voice in the escape pod. “MOTHERSHIP 0.1 please!” Crail said. As Fauna was making the pod travel to the Mothership, Fauna started to talk. “SPECIMEN IN CARRIER, SENT BY MOTHERSHIP 0.1”
G- 0.1? I wonder what happened to the other 0.9...
L- Good one, Gypsy! See?
Said Fauna. “Ok, send it down.” Crail said. A purple-green packet plopped down from the pod roof. On the packet, there was a note, it read:
Crail, come quick! Inside the packet there is a boost pack. For what you ask? Why, to ESCAPE THE HECKING ESCAPE POD!
C- I love how she doesn't use profanity, how polite.
Our cruel mother has planted bombs in the escape pod to blow up at about 1:17! Quick, Crail! Our Mothership coordinates are coded onto the boost pack. Crail, you are running out of time! Open the pod’s emergency hatch, put your oxygen helmet and the boost pack on, AND GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF THERE!
T- Why yes, very polite.
Asha (GET THE HECK OUTTA THERE!)
ALL- Very polite.
“Uh-oh.” Crail said to himself. “Fauna, what time is it?” “IT IS 1:15, SIR.” Said Fauna. “Man, Fauna. I don’t want to leave you. You helped me make my daring escape.
C- (Giggling) D-daring?!
You drove me out here in an escape pod.” Crail sighed. He had been in there since 9:00 A.M.!
L- Time flies when you're Crail!
“I UNDERSTAND, SIR. I DON’T WANT TO BE LONELY ALL OVER AGAIN.
C- Oh, shut up.
PERHAPS YOU TAKE MY SYSTEM INTO YOUR POCKET BEFORE YOU LEAVE. GO TO THE EMERGENCY HATCH, AND GRAB THAT LITTLE MICROCHIP TITLED FAUNA. IT IS 1:16.” Said Fauna. Crail opened the pack and got the oxygen helmet and boost pack on, he then got the microchip title Fauna. “G… GREAT J.. JOB S… SIR, SEE YOU…” Said Fauna. “Yes! I picked up the right piece!” Crail said.
T- Desperation at its finest.
He opened the hatch with the Microchip in his pocket, which he turbo-sealed. He took a deep breath, and jumped out, the boost pack fired up and took him, as he looked back, he could see the old escape pod blow into smithereens behind him. He noticed some acid in the bomb. Thank the stars, Crail thought, looking up into forever space, Me and Asha are ALLERGIC to acid!
T- (giggling) How... How the hell are you allergic to acid?
He started boosting home, and he couldn't wait to tell his story to the crew. Expeccially his sister. Some robots covered in rust and ice were flowing through space as he caught them. “Wow! New robots! Now Striper would never be lonely…. At least…” Crail saw the Mothership appear in his eyes. “Here it goes… the WELCOME BACK sister…” He sighed.
CHAPTER 6
MOTHERSHIP
“OH, CRAIL! YOU MADE IT BACK ALIVE!” Shouted Asha, hugging Crail.
C- (a la Crail) "Thank you, anyway, now it's time to brood."
“I have two presents. New robots, and Fauna.” Crail said. “FAUNA! YAYYY! Now Lara can have a computer friend!” Asha shouted.
G- This crew is getting pretty packed!
Crystal got the robots into her and Rainbows room, and Rainbow got Fauna and inserted her into the computer with Lara. “SIR! YOU DID IT! YOU SAVED ME!!” Said Fauna. Out of the engineering room, there stepped out the two robots Crail caught. “Rainbow-you-you FIXED them?” Asked Crail in shock. The robots were the robots he picked from space!
T- Let's see... "Two robots Crail caught"... "The robots he picked from space"... Something just rings a bell between those two...
“What are their names?” Ashed Crystal. One of the robots spoke up. “I am computer Silverstreamainia!” Said the robot. She had silver parts all over. Her hair was a silver dash. “SILVERSTREAMAINIA?!”
T- Hey, I host that game show!
Shouted Asha. “But Rainbow named me Silverstream.
L- I'll be her GrayStripe.
G- What?
L- Nothing, nothing...
My creators (Who are Mermaids) wanted to name me Silverstreamainia. I was their computer voice until when their hecking engineer took my microchip out and put me into this robot body!” Said Silverstream. “And I am GOLDSHINE!” Said the other robot who was painted all gold and had pink hair dye on her hair tips. Note that they both had wheels for legs. “Wow. These are some nice names! Goldshine, Sliverstream, I would be proud to keep you in with the crew.” Asha said proudly.
L- (falsetto) "I must say, I'm proud of everything."
Chapter 7
“GRRRR. I WISH THAT MY KIDS WOULD TURN THE MOTHERSHIP OVER!” Said Sythia. “My leader, have I told you about the Zorgling/Devil child that Lavasign gave birth to? Her name is DarkStalker,
ALL: WINGS OF FIRE?!
she could come in handy. But…” Said one of the Acaridian guards. “Darkstalker has this thing of being a GOOD GUY…”
L- False alarm! Wrong guy, everyone!
G- It's just Peacemaker!
“I WANT HER ANYWAY! FAUNA, WHAT IS THIS DARKSTALKERS STATUS?” Asked Sythia. No answer. “Also, it appears that Fauna’s microchip has been stolen. Crail noticed the microchip.” “NOOOOOOO! I NEED TO GO ONTO A DIFFERENT SHIP! IS THERE ANY AVAILABLE ONES?”
L- Being a leader of an entire alien race isn't easy. But Grammarly can help.
“The Acaridian 17 would be the only one left if it weren’t for Asha and Crail to blow it up as the Zorglings invaded it.” “WAIT! Drop me off at Zorg-Y. I have a plan.” Said Sythia. “Anything else?” “I want one of my acaridian troops that are on Zorg-O to plant a nuke in the Zorg-O core. Before that, I want them to plant plasma bombs that are effective enough to wipe out all Zorglings living on there, and launch an escape pod big enough for the troops for them to escape. I want a one- minute timer on the bomb.”
C- (Singing) Planning is what Sythia likes to do, when it doesn't hurt, to have a low IQ...
Said Sythia, using the hologram map for the plan. “SO GET TO IT.” She said as she morphed herself into a Zorgling.
L- I think you mean "just do it", you know, like Nike?
THE END
T- Thank God that ended.
C- Hey, I wonder what the other test subjects are reading...
G- I think her name was Emily! Which one is she lookin' at?